Thursday, October 6, 2011

My inner athlete wants to come out & play - Week 3 Day 2

Yes, she is ready to shed the layers. Years of being obese, years of inactivity, years of self-hatred, and years of saying "I'm not an athlete".

It's time. I've always visualized me running. Even at 300lbs.  Ok well maybe the high 200's. The visions just been buried under all of these layers of negativity and with that it stayed just a vision.  But finally, thank God, I've finally stepped out and am trying to make it happen.

Today I'm feeling good. I'm feeling proud. I'm feeling thankful.  The journey to health is NOT easy. Of course yall know that.  If it was everyone would eat right and be in excellent shape. So today I'm allowing myself to simply be proud.

Many times on my quest to stay "humble" during this process, I sometimes minimize my accomplishments.  Sparking and blogging allows me the outlet to "toot my horn" much more then I would ever do in real life. When people comment about my weight loss I simply reply "thank you" and start another conversation.  I'm not good with being the center of attention especially when it comes to discussing my weight. Blame that on years of trying to hide behind it. When you are 300 lbs of course you never wanted anyone to comment on your weight. The feeling is still here with me now. It makes me uncomfortable. Along with that, I try to be careful about what I say to people. It's easy to get on a soapbox about the subject. You have to remember everyone hasn't had their "come to fitness" moment and though they are quick to comment about your weight loss, that is where they want the conversation to end. Just think about it, at your heaviest did you want someone passing judgment telling you all the things you probably already know concerning your health. Nope. Not unless you asked them. But I've got to learn how to manage it. Sometimes it is okay to share your story. Someone may need to hear it.

So today (after much thought and soul-searching) I posted a body shot of myself on Facebook. It may not be a big deal to some of you, but for me it was a HUGE step. It brings attention to the place I am most uncomfortable with. My body. Yes. I'm proud of it today!

Ok anyways. Week 3 Day 2.

So guess who didn't start the training app on their phone? THIS GIRL. I thought I did, but 5 songs later, I thought, well where is my 10 minute signal? At that point I knew something was wrong. Oh well, I decided I would just run until I was tired.

Well tired came at mile 2. I had to walk and I'll admit, I felt so defeated. Like geez, I can't even get to 3 miles! REALLY!?!  Not even a 5k huh? I was upset. I walked for about a minute or 2 and was totally thinking about finishing the loop on the trail and getting in my car and calling it a wrap!

Don't know what happened, but I couldn't do it. Started back running. For another minute. Stopped again. I was tired on the incline. I saw this bench a little further along and allowed myself to walk to the bench. I'm sure I gave myself a little pep talk at this point. Probably something about not quitting, gotta blog, I can do it all those positive type mantras.

Well it helped and I was able to run 2 more miles non-stop. Oh wait I had to stop and tie my shoe. That doesn't count though right?  So anyways. Despite technical difficulties, sore legs, and mental blocks, I had my best run yet!  4 miles in 52 minutes.  The walk breaks were needed and from now on I will not bash myself for doing so. In fact, Jeff Galloway is all about the walk/run method of distance running. LOVE HIM!

Here is a picture of me. I LOVE this picture (in a VERY humble way of course!).  It just screams..THIS GIRL IS AN ATHLETE!! 

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