Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Food Log and I need answers!

Sunday morning I woke up sick. The crazy thing is since I've started eating semi-clean I RARELY get sick. No colds, no headaches, no allergies. So when I'm feeling the slightest bit of ill, I'm a wuss. I stayed in bed until noon and work up HUNGRY for pancakes (or a nice belgian waffle) I decided on Culver's (fast food basically) Double cheeseburger, large fries, and a mint chocolate chip concrete (shake) Yep. All that.
It was just ok and I rarely (maybe 4x's a year) eat fast food. 

Monday my stomach was not happy. At all. So in order to recover, I decided to eat only fruits & veggies until dinner.

Breakfast : Coffee, banana, orange

Lunch: Salad, peach, apple

Dinner: Salad, (w/ 1 egg) Spaghetti - (96/4 lean ground beef, whole wheat pasta, Ragu (not clean, I know)

Feeling better today.

Breakfast: Coffee, banana, orange

Lunch: Salad, (w/ 1 egg) Spaghetti

Dinner: Probably the same as lunch. No probably..lol. It will be the same as lunch.

Kind of changing up my breakfast. I need to move into making fruits & veggies my primary foods. The other stuff in smaller amounts.  I know I need to add some type of protein. I was doing tuna last week with wheat thins. Maybe I'll try to do tuna w/o the wheat thins. Again, trying to get myself off of the extra processed foods.

Yes, I'm cutting calories too. I'm experimenting here. I have 35 lbs to lose and it's not moving. On one hand I want to lose the 35lbs (1 lb a week @ at at time) and be done with it. But I'm not feeling skinny fat either, so I want to build muscle as well. So I'm not sure the cutting of calories is the best solution either.

In the comments I was asked if I weight train. With weights? No. But in Title boxing we do lots of body weight training i.e core work, push-ups, squats. Is that enough or do I need to actually lift some weights?

Let me know! I need some answers :-) Right now I can see myself being skinny-fat. People keep telling me I don't need to lose 35 lbs, but I'm looking at myself naked and the flab is too much. I know my body shape. I'm a pear. I will have hips, my butt is big, and thighs to match. But I need it to be toned.

Surgery is looking like an option as well. I like my size, I just don't like the flab.

Monday, January 30, 2012

And so I weighed myself...

And I'm 190 lbs. Ummm about 10 lbs more than I thought I was. But I swear I don't feel or think I look like I weigh that. I feel like I'm 180 lbs. Swear. It's weird.

I don't know what to think about it, but I'm going with it's muscle. Yep that ol' cliche' theory.  I'm my harshest critic usually so this is not me making a cop out. When I look in the mirror (naked) I can see changes and my waist is getting smaller. So whatever to the scale.

And even though I'm damning the scale I still desire to be 155 lbs this year. I tell people I still want to lose 35 lbs and they look at me crazy like that's too much to lose. But damn, 155 is still a nice (healthy) weight.  And I would like to say I'm half my starting weight. From 311 to 155. So yeah...35 lbs this year. I can do that.  Hell if I can lose 130 lbs I can lose 35.

Reminder to self: Fast food is of the devil. Culver's yesterday and today my stomach is DEAD. UGH.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

A year ago....

I looked like this (230 lbs??)

This was me yesterday.....(180 lbs??)

About 50lbs gone last year. I know everyone wants I want to lose as much weight as possible in as little time as possible, but this is the result of an average weight loss of less than a 1 lb a week. I'll take it! :-)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Searching for THAT feeling.

Pretty much everyone knows that I'm on the quest for weight loss.  Not that I talk about it to everyone, especially not at work. But when you start losing, people notice. Then eventually people break down the barrier of silence and ask you about it. Why the barrier? People never want to be offensive which I totally get.

I used to wonder if people at work even noticed the change. AHA. They did. But they didn't want to be offensive.  There is something about complete strangers taking notice that gives me confirmation that this is actually happening.  I mean, its good to hear it from  your friends and family. But they know you are trying to lose weight. You never know if they are just saying it to be nice or really see a difference.

But when people at work come out of their comfort zone to discuss YOUR weight. Oh yeah. They noticed and are intrigued by it. Kind of cool.

Well I said all that to say my manager stops by to talk to me about her own journey.  She started back working out in September and going strong since then.Today I FELT her energy. I mean it's kind of weird that I could feel how strong she's gotten. She was so hype about her progress and her increased endurance.

I absolutely LOVE to talk to most people who are really doing it. When I'm feeling ho-hum about my own progress (and that's how I'm feeling currently) something about hearing other people discuss their progress gets me all motivated again. Thus my obsession with  love for WL blogs.

She even talked about how she hasn't lost any lbs. That's right. NONE.  But she FEELS so good about her workouts that she is now looking into changing her eating habits (YES!!! THAT IS IT) Sorry, I get excited when people discover my secret. LOL

I'm glad she stopped by my office today to share her progress.  I love that I'm the person people go to talk about weight, fitness, diet. WHAT. HOL'UP. Yes me.   Am I becoming that fit bitch?  :-)

So I'm searching for THAT feeling again. That excitement, that satisfaction with progress, that place where I'm proud of myself for doing something this year (or month) that I couldn't do last year. Of course my goal is to lose weight. But when that's not happening you have to find something else to hang your hat on.

That feeling.......

Friday, January 20, 2012

It's the WEEKEND BABY (and I'm scared!)

This is a long one. Sorry in advance

Yes. Every week I get THAT excited about the weekend.  Anywho. The weekends are TOUGH for me. I'm a person of routine and habit. Mon-Thurs I do very well. Packed lunches and snacks, that are pretty much the same daily with very little variety. Dinner is a "wild card" but portion controlled and healthy.

It's Friday-Sunday that gets me. YIKES. I work from home on Fridays, so I don't eat on schedule like I do when I'm in the office. The plus side is my house is junk free, so it's not a matter of me eating junk, the problem is eating.  Here it is almost 9am and I have no clue what I'm going to have for breakfast (lack of planning). What I should do is stick to the routine on Fridays. Eat at home exactly how I would eat at work. Yep. Good idea. Well today the problem is a lack of groceries. I have some chicken breast unthawed so I may eat grilled chicken and a sweet potato for breakfast and a salad for lunch.

Tomorrow will be another challenge (I guess this is called...LIFE)  Breakfast buffet with my family.  And I will admit, it's not like a eat a whole lot at buffets because I can't. BUT I eat crap and it makes me sick. EVERYTIME. But oh how I love breakfast food. In my mind I would love to start with fruit and a salad, get myself pretty full off of that and then eat a little bit of garbage.  Yes that is the plan, but Lord sticking to that is HARD when everyone around you is eating and enjoying unlimited grease.  Ooh my stomach hurts just thinking about it. Taste good going down, but the aftermath is not ok. Amazing how I used to be able to handle it.  

Oh. Last night I went out to eat at Cracker Barrel. Though I don't track anymore, I decided to track yesterday to see what I was going to have. Thankfully what I wanted (meatloaf, mashed potatoes, greens, and green beans) worked with the plan.  I decided that I would NOT have gravy or bread or a diet coke.  I semi-passed. I got gravy on the side and had about a tbs out of the gigantic bowl they brought me. I was full of course but if there was more food on the plate, I would have eaten it (problem, I know)

Yesterday in Title the trainer talked to me about getting some personal training sessions with him.  He said something about I'm "beyond" the classes. WHAT SON!?! I know for sure I'm not. I can't do every rep of every set yet. I don't think there is a such thing as being beyond these classes. When it gets easy, go harder.
A part of me thinks he's just trying to sell me some sessions, but I like him (not in that way) and I trust the guy could help me get my body where I want it to be. BUT the cost is crazy. I can't afford it anyway.  I would really have to sacrifice some things, and I'm not sure I want to do that now. I will just continue eating right and going to Title. Add some running in there. I know I need to do some weight training, but I suck at it.  I just don't know how......

I'm actually feeling better about things again.  I think being tired comes along with the journey. It's the ebb and flow of things.  I'm ready to see 155 on the scale damnit!  How many people can say they lost half their body weight!  I'm ready for it. CLEAN EATING. PORTION CONTROL. EXERCISE.

Have a great weekend. I'll report in about the weekend..keeps me accountable.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

89 Simple Swaps That Could Change Your Life

From Spark I learned that you cannot do a complete overhaul on your lifestyle. Well, maybe you can, but you will get so overwhelmed by all of the changes, you will probably quit. Instead, try baby steps. Decide on changing healthy habits one at a time.

This is a really good article on simple swaps that will lead you into better health.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012


And for me this is not about running. I’m tired of the journey right now. I’m half-assing it and it’s simply because I’m tired of obsessing, tired of starting over, tired of the fact that 5 years later I’m STILL not at goal weight. I’m hoping this will pass soon. But I’m not done. So I will keep going….

I decided that I was doing my best (work-out wise) when I was doing the 1k challenge. So I'm going to start that again. Taking Friday - Sunday off is no good. I also add another streak.  I will ask myself daily "Would you say you ate well (portion control, freggies, conscience eating).  I  need to get back on track. Today is day #2.

As far as running goes. I need to START. I am only going to run 1 mile. That's it. I put too much pressure on myself to do more when I can't even get out the door.

So again, I will keep going.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Fat Girl Ways


I worked from home yesterday so no Title boxing.  Well, I could have went. Heck there is one right around the corner but I don't like it and the one I love is 25 minutes from my house. EXCUSE #1.  So I didn't work out yesterday and I have no excuse for that. So there is no #2.

My eating was actually good though. I had the same turkey sausage breakfast as if I was going to work. For lunch I had rotisserie chicken, baked fries, and broccoli. Let's back up and talk about these fries.

I LOVE FRIES. I mean love them to pieces. I don't ever fry them at home. The problem is portion control.  One serving of fries is 3 oz (120 calories) Have you ever weighed 3 oz of fries. Its about the amount you would get in elementary school, served to you on a lunch plate. Not a lot at all. The fat girl in me cooked 2 servings. Now...that's better. O_o

I did a little experiment. I only put half (one serving) on my plate. Well all be damn. It was actually enough.  Oh but ya know I'm not wasting food so I did end up eating the other serving. But I still learned my lesson. Stop fixing 2 servings. One is enough. Ok. Got it.

So all was well with eating..until....dinner. J. Alexanders. YUMMY!  Since I wasn't buying I ordered a whole bunch of food. LOL.

I had the chicken pasta soup (which was filling in itself) Ribeye and loaded mashed potatoes (I know that had to be 6 servings of potatoes, I ate half of my food) and chocolate cake and ice cream (ate less than half and gave it away).

I ate myself into an oblivion. The food was super rich. I could barely move. Now why would I eat that much? *shrug* I don't know.

So yeah. These fat girl ways are so old. I'm over it. But I can't lie, that food was AMAZING :-)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Sometimes it Hurts but....

And this is what I kept telling myself last night in Title. When it starts hurting, I usually stop. Nope. That's when you keep pushing. That crap is HARD too.  To keep going through the pain?? WHEWWW. but....

With that said....I'M READY TO HURT! 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Decisions & Choices

I have to remember that every decision I make does one of 3 things.

Pulls me further from my goal
Pushes me closer to my goal
Keeps me in the same spot

I need to get closer to my goal so what am I doing to get there?  What are some of the choices I'm making to steer me in the direction I'm trying to go?

On the weekends I don't work out. AT ALL.  When I was doing my 1k day 10 minute challenge I was rocking the fitness minutes. When that came to an end, Friday - Sunday became super lazy days.

I stopped tracking.  I know tracking works.  But here's what I do. I track  my good days, don't track the bad ones. Now that's pretty backwards.  I should be tracking those days I go overboard so I can see why I'm not losing weight anymore.

I stopped running.  Not that running helped me lose a gang of weight (I'm still adamant about weight loss being more about what you eat) But running did lean me out. Definitely. Why did I quit? Ummm 'cause it's hard!  Coward.

Lack of portion control eating out. I eat ALL my food and that there is a problem.  Why can't I just eat some and put the rest away? Almost 5 years later and I still don't know. I call it being greedy, but there has to be another issue right?  Maybe I lost that function in my brain that says "hey, you are full. Stop eating now" Or maybe I just can't stand seeing that little bit of food going to waste. Or maybe I hate leftovers.  Who knows.

But there are some things I know I am doing right. I continue to pack my breakfast and lunch for work. Lots of fruit, lots of veggies are being eaten by yours truly. When I grocery shop, I NEVER buy junk food. No chips, no cookies, no ice cream.

Still going to Title Boxing 3-4 days a week. And I must say we go HARD!

But the very best thing I'm doing that pushes me closer to my goal..... I NEVER GIVE UP.  I start over every single day.  Bad dinner last night? I'm packing my breakfast and lunch today.

 I'm not perfect, but I believe that I'm consistent in some things and that is why I will get there. Eventually.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I'm cooking tonight!

And yes, that's a big deal. I don't know if it's so much I CAN'T cook. I used to cook all the time when I had someone to cook for. But cooking solo doesn't bring me much pleasure so I usually stick to basic meals. Baked chicken breast, a starch, a veggie. Meal complete.  Keep it simple.

Even though I'm overweight, I'm really not in love with food.  Probably because my palette hasn't been expanded. But I'm getting older and I need to eat outside my box more.

The basic meal works for me right now, but I want to be able to cook delicious healthy meals for my family when the time comes to do so.  So why not start creating them now??? I need to put some recipes in my repertoire!

So tonight I'm making Asian Glazed Chicken.  Doesn't this look yummy?


Servings: 4 • Serving Size: 2 drumsticks  Old Points: 5 pts • Points+: 5 pts

Calories: 213 • Fat: 4.7 g  Protein: 27.5 g  Carb: 12.7 g  Fiber: 0.4 g

• 8 medium chicken drumsticks, skin removed

• olive oil spray (I used my Misto )

• 1 cup water

• 1 tbsp Sriracha hot sauce (more or less to taste)

• 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar

• 1/2 cup soy sauce

• 4 tsp agave nectar (or sugar)

• 3 cloves garlic, crushed

• 1 tsp ginger, grated

• 2 tbsp chives or scallions, chopped

• 1 tsp sesame seeds

In a heavy large saucepan, brown chicken on high for 3-4 minutes with a little spray oil. Add water, balsamic, soy sauce, agave, garlic, ginger, hot sauce and cook on high until liquid comes to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, covered for about 20 minutes. Remove cover and bring heat to high, allowing sauce to reduce down, about 8-10 minutes, until it becomes a thick glaze, turning chicken occasionally. (Keep an eye on glaze, you don't want it to burn when it start becoming thick) Transfer chicken to a platter and pour glaze on top. Top with chives and sesame seeds and serve

I really don't eat dark meat at all UNLESS it's baked and picked off the bone (silly, I know) So I bought a rotisserie chicken yesterday and will cut it up into pieces and then put the glaze on top of that.
I couldn't find Sriracha hot sauce. I wonder if I can use Louisiana instead or just nix it all together. Will that mess up my recipe?   I'll check to see if Wal-Mart sells it in the store (they do online).  If not...guess I'll wing it.
This was not an inexpensive meal.  The sesame seeds and balsamic vinegar were 4 bucks a piece. I'm going to need to find some more recipes that use those items so I can get a return on my investment. I'm just sayin.....
Brown rice and steamed broccoli served on the side. 
Wish me luck!

EDIT 1/12/11
So I didn't go looking for the right hot sauce so I used Louisiana brand.  Also, my balsamic vinegar was "white wine". And who knew 3 cloves of garlic wasn't the same as 3 whole garlics (thankfully I googled that before making the recipe)

Verdict: It was just ok.  I'm sure it was due to user error.  I couldn't find my tablespoon so I used 1/2 teaspoon and doubled. I'm sure that's not a big deal though.

The sauce didn't glaze and stayed liquid-y. I re-read the comments under the blog and it said not enough sugar (which causes it to glaze) and/or I didn't boil it long enough so that the sauce can simmer down. Something like that.

Not sure if I'm a fan of all that soy sauce. It's a strange taste. but since I have all the ingredients, I'll definitely try this one again.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Be Your Own Hero

Make this journey yours. Be your very own hero and see how wonderfully that works. If you try to copy everything I do, you will not succeed.

Weight loss [for me] is so much more than the science behind calorie deficits. I get that I have to eat less and move more. I know this.  But figuring out why I eat so much or why I have a hard time in motivating myself to run is complicated.

I'm frustrated with friends who try & minimize my journey to only my successes.  Shit, my life wasn't meaningful enough for you a year ago when I had to re-start 50 lbs heavier than I was the year before huh?

I really don't have the patience for people who don't understand the struggle today. Check back tomorrow and I may be able to deal.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Who are you kidding?

It's amazing how only 2 days of eating right and exercise makes you feel.  I CAN DO THIS.1 day at a time.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

What I'm eating

Back to tracking and calorie counting! I don't have a lot of variety in my meals so here is a typical day for me. I'll post what I'm eating every once in a while though.  I have GOT to learn how to make some tasty, healthy meals this year.

Here's what's on the menu today:

HAPPY NEW YEAR & What's in store for 2012

Totally NOT true, but this is funny!

Well hello there and Happy New Year!

I know my last post said I was "maintaining" for the holidays, but yea. No. I'm sure I've gained.  I can't even bring myself to get on the scale. I don't want to know.  If it says 200 anything, I may lose my mind.
Today is my first day wearing real clothes in 2 weeks. I've been wearing my jeggings and leggings every single day on vacation.  The wonderful (or not so wonderful) thing about them is they expand and are oh so comfy.  Wearing real clothes sucks today.  Got on my size 14 jeans and thank God they have a little stretch in them, but unfortunately I'm rocking a muffin top right now. 

Yesterday was my first day back at Title and WHEWWWW. 2 weeks off is no joke. The trainer asked me why was I breathing so hard. Shoot man. I'm tired!  It was tough but I'm glad I went.

In a strange way I'm hoping that the gain gets me out of my plateau.  Everyone pretty much agrees that your body starts to get used to your new lifestyle and starts conforming to it. Maybe the gain shakes my body up and getting back on track now will give me a boost and I can drop some lbs and inches quickly. 

So what's in store for me?

I thought I would have some lofty goals all written out, but I don't. I just keep coming back to pressing forward.  I know what works for me.  Calorie counting, eating clean, exercise.  So that's what I'll continue to do. 

I want to change the way my body looks. Not just lose weight.  I don't want to be "skinny fat". Ya know what I mean? Looks great in clothes, but all flabby underneath. I want to tone up. With that said, not sure if I should be focusing on losing weight or gaining muscle at this point. 

Of course running is on my mind. I can't lie. My mental game is OFF when it comes to running. I can't bring myself to get out the door and just do it. It's really sad and pathetic. Last year I had a goal to run a 5k. This year of course I want to run a 1/2.  I got away with minimum training running the 5k.  But I know that won't fly this time. Running is HARD. Period. I think I expect to much of myself when it comes to running. At this point, I'm not sure I can run 3 miles and that's disappointing. So instead of actually trying, I do nothing. How dumb is that?

So since this is getting long..I'll end it here. Super excited about the year to come and trying to hit goal (155 lbs, and 1/2 my starting weight) this year. I can do this!